i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
