yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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