Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
