Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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