Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
