SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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