I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize