This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
