You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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