Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
