Your tits are I can't wait for
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
