God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
