There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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