I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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