if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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