We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
