god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
