So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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