Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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