I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
