what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
