So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
