That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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