i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
