I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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