dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize