I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
