areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
