just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
nutella sex= disaster
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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