I feel like I'm in dance class right now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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