$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize