She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
