I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
