Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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