i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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