She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
