I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
