...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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