can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
