Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize