from now on my penis is your penis
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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