If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
