It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
