just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
