I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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