I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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