The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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