ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
