He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
