My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
