i don't like sucking hair
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
pray to the hookup gods
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
