When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
