Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
