thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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