If i come over, it means nothing
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
