I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
