I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
