Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
