It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
