Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
