I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize