i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
