I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
