how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
