Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
