FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
3pm strippers are depressing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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