I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
