You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
