We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
